Jeff Kemp's Blogs

Abuse of ABS?

2010-03-25T09:22:00.001+08:00

Personally, I've never had a job application treated with absolute silence - I've always received at least a form letter or stock email response. Apparently this is not always the case, and if you believe this report ("'Rude' employers ignoring older workers"), it's because the applicant is an older worker.

[Full Article]

"Stress-free billing"

2010-03-02T19:59:00.005+08:00

Synergy has launched their "stress-free billing" web site, purporting to offer direct debit and paperless bills. All great in my book - except that the site doesn't work. I managed to login but the page that takes my direct debit details won't submit - it just keeps going back to the same page. It offers no error messages or any explanation about what's wrong.

[Full Article]

The Tardis room

2010-02-25T11:48:00.002+08:00

At 11am today I attended a work meeting in a room designated the "Tardis" room. Upon entering the room I noticed the clock said it was 1:30pm. Then the meeting organiser entered the room, noticed that there weren't enough chairs for everyone and said "oh, I thought the room would be bigger".

Quadruple-negative

2010-02-08T12:11:00.003+08:00

I must be lazy. I tried parsing this headline for about half a minute before giving up and deciding it wasn't worth the effort.

"...if the Federal Government fails to reverse a decision to lift anti-dumping duties..."

(from ABC News: Jobs warning over cheap toilet paper)

My work desk.

2010-01-25T20:47:00.003+08:00

Finally got it set up how I want, almost - got my doco reading screen on the left (portrait mode), main working screen in the middle, various utils on the right (email, Toad session watcher, MP3 player).
All I need now is to get Synergy working so that I can move one set of keyboard+mouse out of the way. A bigger desk, a proper chair and my own office would be nice but contractors can't be choosers :)

The True Expert Sees All, Knows All

2009-10-15T12:59:00.002+08:00

Doctor: "How can I help you?"

Patient: "I felt unwell."

Doctor: "When was that?"

Patient: "I don't know - sometime last week maybe?"

Doctor: "Ok. What symptoms did you experience?"

Patient: "Sorry, I forgot. Come to think of it, I did feel some pain."

Doctor: "Where did you experience the pain?"

Patient: "I don't remember! You're the expert - just fix it so I don't feel unwell again."

Never go back to square one

2009-09-06T17:32:00.002+08:00

Seth Godin says, Square one is underrated. I agree, kind of - but I think there's actually no such thing as "going back to square one".

If your project is going in the wrong direction, you can go back and start over, but at this point you're not really at square one - hopefully you know where you went before, you remember most of the decisions (good or bad) that you made, and what their consequences were. You'll do better because you'll benefit from your own experience.

Think of it this way - even if you throw away everything you've written so far, you haven't thrown away all that time and work you put into it - as long as you don't take too long to get back into it, you'll soon be ahead again.

I am slightly more educated now.

2009-07-23T20:14:00.002+08:00

The six dumbest ways to secure a wireless LAN and Wireless LAN security myths that won't die.

Good News: Banks Raise Rates

2009-06-16T08:59:00.005+08:00

Westpac and the National Australia Bank (NAB) increased their fixed home loan interest rates.

Why do I think this is good news? If the banks raise their fixed home loan interest rates, it's because they believe that variable rates will soon go up. Variable rates cannot go up too much if the economy is getting worse; if the economy gets better, the rates will generally go up; so rates going up is a sign of the banks' confidence in the economy.

Also, if more and more borrowers are choosing fixed rate loans, then that is another reason the banks would increase the rates, because it also indicates that borrowers believe that rates will soon go up.

Am I right?

Big Blue Room

2009-06-09T14:44:00.003+08:00

Took me a few seconds to get it.

Big Blue Room [c2]

I've rarely had to worry about climate control for our Big Blue Room but there are days I wish management would at least make it a bit more predictable. I also like how they've got a huge pool in there which is nice for hot summer days. The insect infestation is a bit of an issue though.

Star Trek movie - fun and very watchable

2009-05-21T13:16:00.002+08:00

I wasn't quite able to convince my wife to go see the movie with me, but I think she'll enjoy it somewhat when it comes out on DVD and I watch it for the sixth or seventh time. It chocas with gratuitous CGI and action sequences, featured no less than four literal cliffhangers and a good number of nods to TOS, plus a plot device allowing the story to deviate markedly from everything we thought we knew about the ST universe.

Not every trekkie enjoyed it so much, apparently...

trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film

Australian IT: Fujitsu denies more job cuts

2009-05-15T08:37:00.002+08:00

My employer is in the news, looks like Australian IT got wind of a number of redundancies following the loss of the WAPOL contract.

"FUJITSU Australia has dismissed talk that more than 100 employees could be laid off as a result of Western Australia Police's decision to drop the company as a major IT supplier." [source]

Looks like in about a month I'll be one of the consultants "awaiting coming assignments pending successful tenders". I'm not very worried though, I'm sure we'll pick up something :)

Suspicious Coincidence

2009-03-12T11:10:00.002+09:00

Funny thing happened today at work. I made a phone call to our settlement agent - I'll call her Haylie Jasper here - and asked for her by name. After I put the phone down, my manager (who works in the next cubicle) asked me, "Who did you call just now?". I said "Haylie Jasper, why?"
He says, "Why are you calling my girlfriend?!?"
...
It was ok in the end, turns out it was a different lady :)

Why I'm fussy about the details

2009-01-16T17:14:00.004+09:00

I'm often getting into trouble for being to exacting and specific. This [thedailywtf.com: "Service Tag, Please"] may go some way to illustrating why I tend to be fussy about the details :)

Bomomo art

2009-01-01T15:47:00.004+09:00

I'm not very artistic but this little paint tool is a lot of fun.

http://bomomo.com/

Wilsons on the Web

2008-07-07T06:55:00.001+08:00

The Wilsons, up in Kununurra with HCJB, are now blogging...

greglindawilson.blogspot.com

Why is the sky blue?

2008-04-23T12:43:00.003+08:00

A colleague sent the following response to a "why" question of mine:

Why is the sky blue? Why does the earth rotate on its specific axis? Why is the beach sand at Broome that particular colour of white?

In other words: "there is no particular reason".

Being my normal helpful self I responded with the following:

Why is the sky blue?
Because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light - math.ucr.edu/home/baez/physics/General/BlueSky/blue_sky.html
Why does the earth rotate on its specific axis?
So that we can have seasons - www.bbc.co.uk/science/space/solarsystem/earth/solsticescience.shtml
Why is the beach sand at Broome that particular colour of white?
So that you'll never want to leave - www.kimberley-australia.com/Kimberley_Broome.php

You Call Me, Vodafone

2008-03-26T07:33:00.002+09:00

This stern warning from Vodafone, which happens to be my bottom-dollar mobile phone service provider currently, led me to www.YouCallMe.com.

I have to agree with blog.YouCallMe.com that it's petty and not-nice of Vodafone to not only ignore requests from their customers who don't want to listen to their on-hold music; but also to specifically warn against the service.

When I saw the warning I thought it was some kind of scam, but after reading about it, I want it! The service looks fairly new and is currently available to customers of iiNet, Medicare and a number of banks.

(The reason I was looking through Vodafone's help pages is I can't get to my account because www.myvodafone.com.au is not responding at the moment; but I can't be bothered ringing up their customer service line and waiting in a queue for half an hour to tell them about it. I'd rather just wait a few days hoping someone else reports the problem.)

Come on Vodafone, where's your customer service?

Alternate Data Streams

2008-02-28T07:10:00.003+09:00

Via APC Mag I learnt something new today: Alternate Data Streams. I've tried Microsoft's utility and noticed that most of the files on my NTFS volumes have small ADS's, although none of them look like viruses or other malicious data. The kinds of stream I see are named ":Zone.Identifier:$DATA", ":encryptable:$DATA", ":favicon:$DATA" and are usually 0 to 26 bytes in size. I always wondered whether Windows had the capability of storing metadata about the files in a filesystem without creating separate index files (which btw it seems to do, as well).

What I don't understand is the hoopla surrounding this not-well-known feature - the articles pointed to show that it is easy as anything to view and modify these streams, but then turn around and warn that streams "can't be tampered with by any software, even bit-level file editors" and "are only visible to specialized software" etc. I guess Russinovich's utility might be described as "specialized software" but when I can view and modify the contents of any stream with well-known tools (echo and more) bundled with Windows, they don't seem so invisible or untamperable to me.

I can understand their danger as an alternative hiding place for virii; I wonder if most virus scanners examine ADS's? This article points to ADS Spy as a tool for finding malicious ADS's. Haven't tried it myself though.

Some more technical info here and here.

Bussed Off

2008-02-22T22:17:00.003+09:00

Every day I take the bus to work and back home again. It's a 45 minute ride both ways. I generally tolerate it fine, some days I hate it, and some days I consider getting off at the next stop and walking the 30km home.

[Full Article]

Tricky Karaoke: Pi song

2008-02-17T17:16:00.002+09:00

Rocketboom's rendition is fun for singing along... see how many digits you can sing before you stumble...

Did you know?

2008-01-10T17:42:00.000+09:00

Elephants beep when they walk in reverse. I for one welcome this new safety initiative from Perth Zoo.

This video was taken today and has not been edited in any way.

A sad Christmas for the family

2007-12-26T12:13:00.000+09:00

The father of my wife's sister in law was killed, and his yet-to-be son in law seriously injured in an unprovoked attack on a beach in Geraldton last night. My wife's brother was also injured as they sought to protect their families.

My family and I extend our sympathies to the grieving family and pray for their healing.

News report here. Some expressions of support (and otherwise) here.

The brawl had nothing to do with cricket, the family which was attacked was just playing a friendly game on their own, and the gang who attacked them first taunted them, then as the family packed to leave, went and gathered a bigger group and attacked en masse.

Illuminated Engrish

2007-12-15T17:52:00.000+09:00

From the enclosed warning/instruction sheet for a string of Christmas lights, made in China:

"Do not use only with transformer supplied."
(do I have to use an additional transformer, or some other part entirely?)

"Should the transformer get damaged, do not attempt to repair it. Consult an auttogset illuminance."
(with my luck there won't be any auttogset illuminances in my area...)

What Jeff Killed

2007-09-25T17:33:00.000+08:00

whatjeffkilled.com - "...should not be viewed by anyone..."

You have been warned. Don't click the above link.

BTW: It wasn't me, I didn't kill anything...

Costs of Raising Kids

2007-09-22T13:55:00.001+08:00

Ever since we discovered Rosalie was pregnant in October 2004, we have been keeping careful track of all expenses related to having and raising children, just to see how it would go.

[Full Article]

"About Me"

2007-09-22T10:18:00.001+08:00

Found this link via Liall Nitchfield. I found the result to be surprisingly accurate, at least as far as I think I know myself. According to MindMedia Life Enhancement Network:

[Full Article]

Just wait til these hit the market...

2007-09-04T12:39:00.000+08:00

My wife would be *so* impressed if I put one of these together.

Microwulf (picture)

About Microwulf: > 26 Gflops for < US$2500

Not exactly an earth-shattering coincidence, but...

2007-08-10T14:23:00.000+08:00

I just realised it will be our 9th wedding anniversary on the 9th day of the 9th month in 2009. I'm guessing 9 red roses will be in order, as well as 9 gifts, and a 9-course meal...

Transperth Smartrider

2007-06-29T13:03:00.001+08:00

Transperth went live with their new SmartRider (see also Wikipedia: Smartrider) system in April and in the ensuing months I've been quite impressed with it.

[Full Article]

Telephone Etiquette

2007-06-14T15:23:00.001+08:00

We had a discussion at work today regarding whether one should introduce oneself when calling a company, as a customer, for instance. I think the answers boil down to one of three choices:

[Full Article]

Daniel is born

2007-05-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

Chloe now has a little brother, born 11 May 2007, 10:28am weighing 3.08kg. Rosalie and Daniel are both doing great. No-one's asked but yes I'm fine too, it wasn't all that difficult really.

Ok, here's the long version for those of you who can stomach it: Rosalie told God this morning that she would much rather the baby be born today; indeed, that sometime in the morning would be most convenient. She omitted to tell me she'd done this, so I went to work none the wiser. I managed to get my day's work done and then at about 8:15am (yes, I didn't have much work I had to do today, as it happens) she called to say she was feeling funny. I thought that this was something she might mention to the hospital in case it boded more than just oncoming comedienne syndrome, and stated this. She soon after called back and hinted that of all the possible courses of action I might take, taking a premature leave of absence might be one of the best ones (in fact, she said, "COME HOME NOW", in capitals, which is not as easy as it sounds). So I jumped out of the 9th storey window, meanwhile shouting back to my supervisor last-minute instructions for the implementation of the multi-million-dollar database I'd just completed nine months of work on, landed on a soft footpath and jumped through the window of a passing taxi, which had just ejected his last passenger 1.5 hundredths of a second previously. He asked me "where to", kind of automatically, but by the look on my face he intuited my destination, and managed with minimal coaching to transport me home to my patiently waiting wife. After that it was pretty much plain sailing (the hospital was on the other side of the river, you see), and a little over two hours later Daniel was born.

I hope that was detailed enough. There was a moral to the story somewhere in there but I forget. Probably for the better.

Smart cookie

2007-03-25T08:02:00.000+08:00

My 22-month-old daughter has just learned to recognise a USB Series-A plug. She sits on my lap while I'm working and then I get regular "device plugged in" and "device unplugged" popups as she plugs things in and removes them... I'm so proud.

Thank you Westpac

2007-03-24T13:06:00.000+09:00

Every payday I get some cash via ATM, but on the most recent occasion I must have accidentally hit the "Credit" button instead of the "Savings" button, which meant that my withdrawal was a Cash Advance from my credit card.

I didn't know this had happened until I happened to log into my Internet Banking account, and notice that my savings account was quite a bit higher than I expected, and my credit account was quite a bit lower than I expected. I also noticed a $9 transaction fee charged to my credit card. I almost never get any transaction fees because of the way I manage my banking, so it stuck out like a sore thumb.

I thought, oh well - I've paid for my mistake there, I'll just have to be more careful in future. But $9 just for getting cash out of my credit card? I didn't remember that fee going up by so much, although I usually forget the fees for services I don't intend to use.

To even things up I transferred some funds from my savings account to the credit card. I then decided to call Westpac. Pushed "0" to speak to a real person. They answered 20 seconds later. Explained the situation. Was this $9 fee what I thought it was, a transaction fee for the cash withdrawal?

The answer? "Yes, but since this was by mistake we'll refund it." So the fee was cancelled, no questions asked.

When it comes to customer service, it's often the little things that count just as much as the big things. Thank you very much Westpac, you made my day.

War shelter? Gun turret?

2007-01-16T21:30:00.000+09:00

I took this video with my digital camera while on holiday in Mandurah. It's some kind of shelter at the top of a hill at Point Peron. I suspect it's a gun turret or something.

Actually Literally or Literally Figuratively

2006-12-12T09:59:00.000+09:00

I get a bit annoyed whenever I hear someone use the word "literally" when they mean "figuratively", e.g. "I literally died when I saw my bank statement" (if they had died literally, they wouldn't be able to say so). This is generally forgivable in common speech; but I think people speaking publicly, e.g. radio personalities, should learn the meaning of the word.

The extent of the problem was highlighted for me when on the radio I heard a commentator say (and these are his exact words): "The place was literally, that is, actually, packed." As if "literally" was not sufficient to convey the sense that what he was saying was not meant to be taken figuratively!

Bermuda

2006-11-21T06:50:00.000+08:00

Apparently, if I dug a hole in my back yard, directly through the centre of the earth, I'd end up not far from the coast of Bermuda. You learn something new every day...

"Another stupid application for Google Maps..."

If I was an American...

2006-11-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

Apparently my accent might not be dissimilar to those in the Northeastern states. On the other hand, since I don't have an American accent at all (at least, no-one around here seems to be complaining) maybe the quiz isn't valid for Aussies.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Northeast Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

John Gebhardt and Iraqi baby

2006-11-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

Usually I steer clear of all "heart warming" stories I hear of or get via e-mail, but this one got to me.

When I saw this photo and the related story on www.snopes.com I was immediately touched, an occurrence that is pretty rare for a cynic like me. This might not be surprising as I am a recent father. There's something really special about holding my daughter when she is content to sleep in my arms, with total trust.

www.snopes.com/photos/military/gebhardt.asp

A child will always need a mother; sometimes, however, only a Father can stop the tears and provide strong but gentle arms that provide comfort and protection from all that the world throws at them.

Favorite Links?

2006-11-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

I open Internet Explorer.
I open Favorites (ignoring the strange spelling).
There's a sub-folder called "Links". Why do I need a special place for links? What else am I going to put in my Favorites folder anyway? So I deleted it.

The whole Internet went down - so I quickly put "Links" back in there; that seemed to fix it. I hope no-one noticed - if you did, sorry... ;)

An Alaskan visits Perth

2006-11-02T07:57:00.000+08:00

An Alaskan got onto the bus this morning as I was on my way to work. He had just flown in and was on his way to the beach. I suggested Cottesloe or Rottnest, and he said he'd heard good things about Margaret River*.

To go to the beach in Alaska they take three pieces of bulky luggage and wear business suits. At least, that is what I assume. Admittedly, I only have one data point for this assumption but I’m sticking to it because it amuses me.

He seemed quite friendly, and complimented us "Ossies" for our friendliness and helpfulness, saying Americans always say they want to visit Australia but never get around to it.

So, whoever you are, I hope you enjoy your stay - I'm sure you'll find you've picked the best part of Australia to visit.

* For those who don't know Perth: Cottesloe is probably the most popular beach near the city; Rottnest is a beautiful island that is a short ferry ride away; and Margaret River is several hours away down south, popular with wine lovers but (technically) devoid of beaches (although it's not far from Yallingup, which is popular with surfers).

Physical Memory Forensics

2006-07-27T12:55:00.000+08:00

Imagine.

You decide, for whatever reason, to write a particularly sensitive document including secrets about your company or government department.

In the middle of typing this document, however, you are sprung: special agents storm into your office while you are typing, drag you away from your computer and take it for forensic analysis.

Just before they pull you away, however, you have the presence of mind to close down your word processor. You never saved the document, so your damning words were never stored permanently on the hard disk. You had previously taken the precaution of disabling the auto-save feature as well. You're safe.

At least, that's what you thought.

A few weeks later you're indicted, based partly on evidence including "documents retrieved from the defendant's computer". How is this possible? The document never existed except as patterns of charge in volatile memory - which was fine because memory is volatile, right?

Perhaps not.

Google's Answer to Bee Cee Dee Eff

2006-06-25T16:13:00.000+08:00

My other blog, "Jeff Kemp on Oracle", is tracked using sitemeter.com, which among other reports gives me listings of referrals, that is, where people clicked through to get to my blog. What is interesting is the kinds of keywords that people search on Google that lead them to my blog.

Anyway I'm proud to report that (for a short while at least) my latest post was first on the rank for the search criteria "bee cee dee eff", beating such reputable sites as The National Association of Writers, and something called The Project Gutenberg.

Unfortunately I doubt my post would have been of very much interest to them, seeing as "bee cee dee eff" happened to be random names for variables used in some programming code.

If you're interested, here's the link:
www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=bee cee dee eff&btnG=Google Search

Recent referrals to my blog are listed here:
www.sitemeter.com/?a=stats&s=s22jeffkemponoracle&r=11

My new mobile - Sagem My V-76

2006-06-22T09:35:00.000+08:00

I've stuck with my old Nokia 5110 for over 5 years, and finally decided to replace it. It was a very simple phone, did everything I needed (phone calls and SMS), but the screen started going out, and I had to recharge the battery after every 1 or 2 calls.

Did a bit of research, thought about what I'd like in a mobile, and decided to go for a special deal from Vodafone, my current provider. Ordered a Sagem My V-76, a mobile phone that incorporates the features I required (phone calls and SMS), features that I thought nice to have (MP3 player, Bluetooth enabled, expandable memory, a 32Mb MicroSD card included), plus features that I don't really need (camera, Java) - but at $200 it seemed a good deal, plus no contract to sign.

So far, very happy with the phone which arrived within 3 days. Took a bit of getting used to the smaller buttons, and the phone is MUCH lighter than my old one; but I had some early frustrations with the supplied MicroSD card.

I tried copying some MP3s from my computer back and forth, and ended up with corrupted files and the card became unreadable. I tried reformatting using XP but it reported "unable to format" and the card was thereafter completely unusable. After a bit of Googling I found a small utility on www.microsd.org that I was able to use to reformat the card, it is all working very nicely now.

I'm going to have to get a few more accessories: a car charger, a USB cable and a larger capacity MicroSD card.

I Witnessed a Home Invasion

2006-05-12T13:21:00.000+08:00

Last night my family and I were visiting my sister and parents, and two other friends of ours dropped in. Behind them, an unassuming middle-aged lady wearing a pink jumper and holding a bottle of beer wandered in.

I started to ask our friends who the lady was (I assumed it was a friend of theirs), but then she looked around in a confused manner, exclaimed "I'm in the wrong house!" and exited.

We all looked at each other, and burst into laughter. The lady obviously thought she was home, the way she walked in as if she owned the place. Perhaps she was on more than her first bottle of beer. We don't know - but it added a bit more hilarity to the evening.

So, thanks lady, whoever you are, for invading my sister's home. I'm sure you're welcome back at any time for a cuppa.

Secret Lives of Couriers

2006-05-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

These couriers tear around the CBD on their bikes, with a very impressive disregard for the conventions of road and footpath. I saw an interesting exchange the other day while waiting for a bus. One courier, upon seeing a colleague's bike left outside a building, angled off the road, stopped and proceeded to turn the temporarily abandoned bike upside down, so that it was now standing on the handlebars and seat. With a big grin on his face he then sped off to his next delivery.

Presently the owner of the bike exited the building, and broke out into a similarly big grin when he noticed his bike upside-down. Without fuss he turned it over and sped off.

I wondered, what kind of exchange has occurred here? The expressions on their faces seemed to imply that some kind of in-joke had been perpetrated - turning the bike was a "calling card" saying "ha ha I was here". It was reminiscent of the windshield-wiper prank.*

* If you haven't heard of the windshield-wiper prank: to play, you need to be in a convoy of two or more cars. When you stop at a traffic light, you wait until you know it is just about to go green. You then get out, run to your friends' car behind yours and pull out their windshield wipers (i.e. as you would if you were cleaning your windshield), then race back to your car, get in and drive off. Your friend then must get out of their car and put the wipers back down (usually to the impatient honking of drivers behind them) before they get going again. Yes, it's childish and probably illegal in some countries. I never did it, though - honest!

New photos of Chloe

2006-03-04T14:28:00.000+08:00

I've uploaded some more photos of Chloe to our web site. You can see them at:
members.iinet.net.au/~jkemp/

UFOs, God and Evolution

2006-02-11T20:35:00.000+08:00

Alien Intrusion: The Tour is coming to W.A. and I'm missing out. I was looking forward to it but another commitment has ruled it out. Oh well.

It's on in Bunbury on 22 Feb and Wangara on the 23rd. I'm sure it will be excellent stuff - really recommended. If you go to any of Gary Bate's sessions let me know what it was like.

"Internet-Business-In-A-Box"

2005-10-31T21:40:00.000+08:00

This real ad looked like a scam until I noticed that all the words except for "in" in the title were capitalised, so it looks ok...

"Discover How An Average Guy Without Computer Skills Had $954,546 Automatically Deposited Into His Bank Account in Two Months From Easy Internet Business! No Products, Customers Or Money Needed! Click to receive FREE Internet-Business-In-A-Box kit worth $497.00 that reveals secrets!"

Ok - can anyone tell me what's wrong with this? (Apart from the obvious)

Elmer-Fudd-ise your Google Seawch

2005-10-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

Google Seawch in Elmer Fudd-ese - ah yoo feewing wucky? It's all in wanguage toows. I'm not gowin back to Engwish!

The Long Tail

2005-10-26T15:38:00.000+08:00

Just read Mark Anderson's article in Wired magazine,
The Long Tail, in which he explains why online stores such as Amazon, eBay and others are succeeding where others haven't - and coined what could become a popular name for the niche that is not a niche. Very interesting reading (especially for a non-economist like me).

Creative Use of Database Fields

2005-10-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

Overheard (paraphrased to protect the innocent - and no, this is not me):

U: "The report is wrong - it using the 'postal address' field for addressing correspondence."
A: "Ok, what should it use?"
U: "It should use the postal address if [...], otherwise it should use [...], [other convoluted rules]..."
A: "Why isn't the 'postal address' suitable for addressing correspondence?"
U: "Because we often put other addresses into that field."
A: "Why do you put a non-postal address in the field labelled 'postal address'?"
U: "We do put the postal address in that field, but for some correspondents that address shouldn't be used."
A: "Why are you putting anything but a postal address in the 'postal address' field? Why can't you use the other address fields?"
U: "That's how we've always done it."

Don't you love the change requests that come about because of creative uses of the system?

"Kill Skills"

2005-10-08T08:14:00.000+08:00

Seen in an ad for an Analyst Programmer:

"Kill Skills: Microsoft database environments, Oracle database environments, Visual Basic, ..."

"HR Buzzword Filter"

2005-10-02T16:42:00.000+08:00

I just read this great little phrase in a comment. It seems to sum up the most common experience in the I.T. hiring game.

Recruits aren't picked for their education, intelligence, knowledge, or the extra they do in their spare time. It's all down to resume buzzword bingo - have they got experience in product X, cool tool Y or the snazzy new paradigm Z? If they say "3 years on X" (even though it was only released last year) then they get the tick. If they know the theory and fundamentals and can apply it to solve real-world problems - not good enough.

Not that I'm bitter. Really! :)

J, R & C's web site

2005-10-01T14:36:00.000+08:00

Our web site is up - not very flash but got some pics and a video of Chloe.

www.iinet.net.au/~jkemp

Update (2-Oct-2005): added new video of Chloe from today

A New World-Class University

2004-11-01T13:04:00.000+08:00

I was considering the fact that most employers of I.T. professionals in Perth (and probably generally in Australia) value work experience and tools experience greatly and place little if any value on education and training. In fact, it seems to me that it is easier to get a job if you have fairly unrelated work experience, than it is to get a job if you have a very relevant degree or certification.

When my father was in H.R. for a computer hardware reseller, he often remarked that the applicants for jobs who had work experience were better than those who had just left Uni. Now, my father greatly values education, and has passed on a love of learning to me. However, what he experienced as a recruiter was that Uni graduates too often had unrealistic ideas about how much money they would get straight away, and would turn down jobs (even if they had no job). They rarely get the kind of money they expect because they think that the head knowledge they have is enough to make them better than others who have less training but more industry experience. Another problem is that tertiary institutions are moving away from education and towards training. They are teaching less theory and principles, and are limiting the curricula to tool-specific training.

This has led to increasing numbers of graduates who can use the latest software tools, but have no grounding in the basics of information theory, mathematics and logic. The lucky ones manage to get this education on their own; the unlucky ones find it increasingly difficult to keep up.

I'm convinced that the cause of all this is that it is too easy for anyone and everyone to get degrees from universities. Someone who barely gets passing grades gets the same degree that someone who excels. Employers have experienced too many applicants who have got a degree but can't function in the workplace. Graduates are flooding the market without knowledge of fundamentals, with no training in critical thinking and logic, with no knowledge except for rules of thumb and one-size-fits-all toolkit tricks. I place the blame for this mostly on the university who bowed to industry pressure and train students in using tools instead of theory. They take the students' money, give them what they want - a piece of paper, but in the melting pot of recruitment that piece of paper is almost without value when compared with industry experience.

We need a new university, or a new attitude to what it is that a university is meant to provide. This new university would be run according to the following guiding principles:

All classes will be grounded in theory and fundamentals. The teaching of tools and specific technologies will take lower priority, and will be used to further the education of the principles, rather than as an end in themselves.
Only those students who truly demonstrate a mastery of the concepts taught in a class can pass. If an entire class fails, so be it.
Students may take and re-take a class as many times as they like (and pay for).
Recruitment of lecturers will be based on their knowledge of and experience with the fundamental concepts of the relevant discipline. They must be willing to continue their own education.
All lecturers will be given continuous training, with a focus on how to educate (as opposed to just dumping material or focussing only on tools).
More than half the subjects required to obtain a degree will be devoid of tool- or technology- specific content. Certifications in particular technologies may be provided, but these will not be requirements for any degree.
Only the best students, those who put the effort in and learn, who demonstrate not just familiarity with, but high competence with the concepts, will graduate.

All the above, but especially the last one, will serve to increase the value of a degree from this university. The goal would be that if an employer sees that an applicant has a degree from this university, they will instantly place that applicant on the top of the pile; if an employee gains a degree or certificate, they will be preferred for promotion and advancement. The reputation of this university will suffer from disillusioned students who will mark it as a "difficult" university - one which almost seems unfair in its refusal to give a little. It will, however, gain a reputation amongst employers for producing only the best graduates. The ones that survive will be sought out by recruiters local and abroad even before they graduate.

An impossible ideal, perhaps? I don't know - and I wonder if this university would suffer from a financial disadvantage due to (a) lower graduate numbers due to its reputation; and (b) lower government funding due to any artificial ratings based on pass/fail rates (I don't know whether this is true or not, though). I do know, however, that this is what employers will want and need, and that this is what students want and need - a degree that has real value.

What do you think?

"So, what do you do?"

2004-10-29T14:19:00.000+08:00

This is the first question everyone asks you when you meet. It's an amazingly annoying question for many people, especially for those poor souls who are students or, heaven forbid, unemployed. But for me, this question is annoying because it is so hard to answer. Allow me to explain.

If I was a fireman, I could say, "I'm a fireman."
If I was a doctor, my answer would be something like "I run a small medical practice on xxx street."
If I was a clown, I could answer, "I entertain at kid's birthday parties."
If I was an assassin, I could answer, "You got anyone you wanna rub out? I'm your man."

The answer gets even easier if I was a teacher, a farmer, a garbage collector, a tax collector, or even a taxidermist - even those who can't spell know what these jobs are. As soon as the word's out of my mouth, I'm conveniently slotted into the right box and we can get on with the conversation.

The problem is, I'm none of the above. I'm an Oracle programmer. I design database systems. I write SQL and PL/SQL, use Designer, create Forms and Reports. I write system design specifications.

For about 99% of the population, for me to say the above always gets a glassy-eyed stare. Probably about 10% of people I meet might latch onto the words "programmer" or "database" and ask something incisive like "Is that something to do with computers?" The rest will just ask "what is that?"

I don't say that I'm an Oracle programmer, or any of those other things. When asked the dreaded "what do you do" question I do some analysis before answering. This requires a bit of guestimation of the listener's level of knowledge.

Do I just say "I'm in computers"? For some people, this is enough for them to understand - and their next words will be something about how computers are the "next big thing" or that computers are where "it's all happening" now, as if the I.T. revolution happened just a year or two ago. For other people, however, this is not specific enough, and they lump me along with a newbie I.T. graduate on his first year on a help desk somewhere.

So, the next step up is "I'm a database programmer". I always avoid the word "Oracle" now because everyone outside the Oracle community thinks this means I'm a priest in some wierd religion or something. So I say "database programmer" which most people don't misinterpret. Of course, they don't have anything intelligent to add to it, so the conversation has to either (a) end or (b) go on to something about them. Fine with me, mind you. Get me started talking about databases to someone who couldn't care less, and that's the end of it - a few hours later I realise I've been talking to a zombie.

Next time someone asks me "what do you do for a crust?", I'm going to answer, "I'm an intergalactic warrior on a mission to save the Earth. What do you do?"

How to Enjoy Axis & Allies

2004-10-29T07:11:00.000+08:00

Have you ever watched a WWII movie where the generals meet in some underground fortress around a big huge table with a map of the world, with little tokens on it representing the positions of the various forces they are commanding or attacking? Their underlings have got these long poles which they use to move the tokens around to represent the movements of the units, so that the generals can turn their minds to tactics and strategy in order to win the war. I always watched these scenes (e.g. the one in Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade where Indiana infiltrates a German castle) and wished I could get in on that.

The board game Axis & Allies satisfies this hunger a fair bit - it's a lot of fun to play. If you haven't come across it before, think a cross between chess and, say, actually getting out there with some mates and re-enacting the battles of WWII yourself. If it has any downsides (which it doesn't), it does take quite some time to play. A group of friends and I have been playing it every Tuesday night for about three hours a night for several months now.

This particular game, however, is just about finished. I played Germany, but I don't play very aggressively so Germany didn't do too well. My friend who plays Japan got a short-term job on Tuesday nights so I'm playing Japan as well. It's not very difficult to play both because Germany is currently occupied by the U.K., and Japan has just been ousted from U.S.S.R. which it held for most of the game. In fact, U.S.A. came in with a quite a large navy and took most of Japan's forces in one turn, including China, while U.K. attacked gradually from Germany and is now taking Japan's last refuges in Siberia. Japan's on its last legs, and as usual is building up a great huge infantry (not much else it can do as its navy is cut off). I've pretty much conceded, but in the interest of fair play will not give up and rob my counterparts of the satisfaction of a victory fully played out.

So, what is the secret to enjoying Axis & Allies?
1. Remember it's just a game - it's for fun, don't take it too seriously.
2. Have plenty of chips and dip on hand, and ginger beer.

Which of the five A&A countries do you prefer playing? I personally prefer U.K. - you're close to the action early on, your capital doesn't usually go under in the first turn, and you're not the "baddy".

Void

2004-10-28T14:58:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty sure no-one's going to be much interested in my blogs, so I'm just going to send them out into the "void". I won't say "Dear Void" but that's pretty much the intention. Perhaps later on I'll blog something worth reading, in which case someone might want to read through my earlier entries to see what else I've written. If this is you, then this is for you.

G'day Void,

I'm glad you enjoyed my future blogs (or maybe I need to use some Adamsian time-travel tense corrections: "I'm glad you willen haven on-enjoyed my future having-written blogs"). I've certainly (will have) enjoyed writing them (I'm sure), and hope that you will return to read (and perhaps comment on) even further-future blogs I will eventually write (after having written the blogs that you've already read by now).

Ok, now I have a headache (or had a headache, as of the time you are reading this I'm sure I will have recovered, so thank you for your sympathy).

- Jeff